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i don't care what anyone says. this is the best britney song. ever.
i really need to write more. i'll try. i've just been so busy: four days a week, i have a community college dance class from 9-3 (six hours of dance, whee!). then i've also been so busy with acting classes, my jazz class (we just had our two recitals), and SAT and ACT stuff (blasted standardized tests!!!). i've been leaving the house at 8 AM and getting back at 10 at night. and by then i'm so tired that i just go to bed.
another thing: i've had absolutely no time to work out! okay, so i've been dancing 6-7 hours a day, but still. i've gone to the gym maybe four times in the past three weeks.
i've been thinking, and i really don't like my relationships with people. i can name maybe three or four i feel wonderful about, but other than those . . . i don't know. maybe my friends aren't great people. after my dance recital last night i came home and watched "bridget jones' diary" with my mom and we started talking about how a lot of people here are kinda . . . eh. but i'm definately still glad we moved here, because even if most people here are snobs, it's still so much better than where i lived before.
it's strange: i feel like i've started thinking of myself as an entity instead of a real person. it comes from dancing all day, every day: you start to exist only as a body that can move in certain ways. i don't want to be preoccupied with my body, but it's hard not to when you stare at it all day, and when there are 20 other bodies in the room with you that you're also staring at.
i wanna feel the way you feel. c'mon.
i had a bizarre dream last night in which i started dating a boy -- not a real boy, just a made-up boy. and we were in a hotel room (i know!) and i started crying and saying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry" and then i was like, "no, okay, i'm not sorry. i'm not gonna have sex with you!"
two points for my unconscious self.
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yeah, shakira. make fun of me all you want. it's fun to dance to.
yesterday was fun. i got my hair done (it is now honey brown with golden highlights -- much better than yellow-blonde), and then jacqui and i met up at the mall. we ate lunch and spent an hour browsing sephora (drool. i only bought two eyeliner pencils, though). then i went to dance class, and afterwards katherine came over. we ate at the cheesecake factory, then came home and talked a bit before she had to leave. then i watched "freaky friday" with my sister (hah!) and went to bed.
today i haven't done much. i had a private lesson with my acting coach and did some sat prep. then i spent about an hour playing mario party, haha. tonight i'm going to clean my room (it's gross) and then work out/do pilates. then i might go out. or maybe i'll just spend the night salsa dancing to shakira ^_^.
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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| Time: | 1:51 am. |
| Mood: |  discontent. | | Music: | some crap on E!. |
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Okay, so school's out.
I have never been so happy.
No, really. Now I have time to get thinner, prettier, and more talented.
I will be perfect. I will. Be. Perfect.
I'm not psychotic. It's just been so long since I've felt sexy. Honestly, I think the last time I've felt attractive was freshman year. That was three years ago.
I just want to be pretty.
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Wow, I haven't written here for awhile. A lot has happened, but there's not much to say. In three weeks I'll be a senior. I want the school year to end, and yet I desperately don't. I need a break from school, but I'll miss junior year so much. I feel like I've reached a plateau: I want to study and sing and dance and act and work out and do community service and have friends but it's getting harder and harder to juggle so many activities.
I want to feel good about my body just like everyone else does. Why is it wrong for me to want to improve it by exercising and eating correctly? Why is it wrong that I understand that I can look better, so I'm going to take (healthy) steps to achieving this?
Only three more weeks.
And I am NOT bulimic!
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FRIDAY - bus ride up to disneyland. six hours on a big fushia bus with 23 other theater kids. got to the hotel and ate at buca di beppo. got to bed at 2 am.
SATURDAY - performed at disneyland. went on rides. ate way too much food. bought a t-shirt. again, about four hours of sleep.
SUNDAY - grandfather's funeral. cried in spite of myself. nice service. went to reception at cousin's house. drove home. got home at midnight.
MONDAY - slept in - finally. went to voice lesson. actually sat around for the first time in years and watched tv. thoroughly enjoyed it.
TODAY - slept in again. got my hair done. went driving. will go for a run soon.
yeah. that's really it.
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Saturday, February 28th, 2004
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| Time: | 9:36 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | I Love the 70's. |
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today my mom and i met up with junie and her mom (she's at asu right now). we ate at pf chang's, stopped at a positively frightening boutique called "Diva's" (although I did find a potential prom dress for only 12 bucks), and saw her condo and talked about our fond bbk memories (they won't let me forget that time i punched eric in the face -- it was an accident!). then my mom and i stopped by buffalo exchange. overall a very fun day.
i miss my mame friends a lot. i need to call some of them and hang out. chelsea's having a party but i'll be on the gp live trip in disneyland so i can't go.
showcase rehearsal tomorrow! i'm extremely excited. i'm probably going to do "much more" from the fantastics. very fun, upbeat . . . yes, many high notes as well. of course. ^_^
i'm trying to get into shape for showcase (and, i have to admit, prom) but i don't have the motivation. sigh . . .
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Friday, February 27th, 2004
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so today i wore a sweater with no shirt underneath. i was so scared i was going to forget and take off my sweater during class or something, but luckily i didn't.
i got asked out for tonight by will, but i told him no thanks. this has been the most stressful week ever, and i'm super-tired. besides, with all my family's been through this week, i feel like i should be at home.
my wisdom teeth have been hurting a lot lately. it sort of aches dully all the time, and when i brush my teeth i get shoots of pain in the back of my mouth. i probably have to get them out soon. ugh.
also, i need lj friends! add me and i'll add you back, k? :D
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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
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greeneyed_lady's journal
hyper.
frustrated.
mellow.
sleepy.